The First-Time Buyer's Guide to Unfucking the Housing Market
You've seen the headlines. You've done the math. You've scrolled Zillow at 2 am and closed the app feeling worse than when you opened it.
"I'll never afford a house."
"I'll probably rent forever."
"It's so fucked."
I hear you. And I'm not going to tell you it's all in your head — because it's not. The market is brutal in a lot of places. Prices are up. Rates are up. Wages haven't kept pace. The math doesn't math.
But here's what nobody's telling you:
You're not priced out of homeownership. You're priced out of one version of it.
The version where you buy in the city you've always lived in, in the neighborhood you've idealized, with a 20% down payment and a perfect credit score.
That version? Yeah. That might be fucked.
But that's not the only version.
Myth #1: You need 20% down
You don't.
This is the lie that stops more first-time buyers than anything else.
20% down on a $350,000 house is $70,000. Most people don't have $70,000 lying around. So they assume homeownership isn't for them. End of story. Back to Zillow doom-scrolling.
Here's the truth:
Conventional loans: As low as 3% down
FHA loans: 3.5% down
VA loans (veterans): 0% down
USDA loans (rural areas): 0% down
On a $200,000 house, 3.5% down is $7,000. That's a tax refund and a few months of focused saving. That's not impossible. That's a plan.
"But what about PMI?"
Yes, if you put down less than 20%, you'll pay private mortgage insurance. It's usually $50–$150/month depending on the loan. It's not ideal. But it's also not a reason to wait ten years while rent eats your income and home prices keep climbing.
You can always refinance later. You can't get back the years you spent waiting for perfect conditions.
Myth #2: You need perfect credit
You don't.
Here's what you actually need:
Conventional loan: 620+ credit score
FHA loan: 580+ (or 500 with 10% down)
That's it. You don't need 800. You don't need 750. You need "decent."
And if you're below those numbers right now? Credit can be improved faster than most people think. Pay down a credit card balance, dispute an error, become an authorized user on someone else's account — you can move the needle in 60–90 days.
Don't disqualify yourself before you even check.
Myth #3: The market is impossible right now
Which market?
There are over 30,000 cities and towns in the United States. The headlines are written about maybe 15 of them.
Yes, San Francisco is impossible. Yes, Austin got crazy. Yes, Brooklyn isn't happening on a $60k salary.
But you know what's not impossible?
Columbus, Ohio
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Birmingham, Alabama
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Omaha, Nebraska
Louisville, Kentucky
Knoxville, Tennessee
Wichita, Kansas
These aren't wastelands. They're cities with jobs, culture, airports, restaurants, and homes that cost $150,000–$250,000.
A $200,000 house at 7% interest with 3.5% down is roughly $1,400/month including taxes and insurance.
You're probably paying that in rent right now — for an apartment you'll never own, building equity for a landlord instead of yourself.
The market isn't impossible. It's impossible where you're looking.
Myth #4: I have to stay where I am
Why?
No really. Why?
I ask because most people have never actually questioned it. They just... stay. Because that's where they grew up. That's where their friends are. That's where their job is. That's what they know.
And look — I'm not here to tell you to move. That's your call.
But I am here to ask: Have you actually run the numbers?
Let's say you make $55,000 in Denver. Rent is $1,800. You've got $12,000 saved. You're nowhere close to buying.
Now let's say you take a remote job — or even a similar job — in Omaha making $50,000. Rent is $1,000. Or you buy a house for $180,000 at $1,250/month total.
You just took a $5k pay cut and gained $600/month in cash flow.
That's not a downgrade. That's arbitrage.
Myth #5: Renting is "throwing money away"... but so is waiting
Here's where it gets real.
Yes, rent doesn't build equity. Everyone knows that. But you know what else doesn't build equity?
Waiting for perfect conditions that never come.
Every year you wait:
Prices go up (historically 3-5% annually)
Your rent goes up
Your down payment target moves further away
You're one year older with one less year of mortgage payoff runway
A $200,000 house today might be $220,000 in two years. That's another $7,000 in down payment at 3.5%. That's another $100/month on the mortgage.
Waiting has a cost. It's just invisible.
So what DO you actually need?
Let's cut through the noise.
To buy a house, you need:
A credit score of 580–620+ That's it. Not 750. Not 800. Decent credit.
3–3.5% down payment On a $200k house, that's $6,000–$7,000. On a $150k house, that's $4,500–$5,250.
Closing costs (2–5% of purchase price) This is the one that surprises people. Budget $5,000–$10,000. But here's the secret: you can often negotiate seller concessions to cover part or all of this. Or roll it into certain loan types.
Stable income / employment history Lenders want to see 2 years of steady employment. Doesn't have to be the same job — just consistent income.
A debt-to-income ratio under 43% Add up your monthly debt payments (car, student loans, credit cards). Divide by your gross monthly income. If it's under 43%, you're in the game. Under 36% is even better.
That's the checklist. That's all of it.
No trust fund. No rich parents. No lottery win.
First-time buyer programs most people don't know exist
Here's where it gets good.
Almost every state has programs specifically designed to help first-time buyers. Most people never look.
Down payment assistance grants — free money, doesn't need to be repaid
Down payment assistance loans — 0% interest, deferred for years
First-time buyer tax credits — some states offer significant credits
Employer-assisted housing programs — some companies offer this, ask HR
Local city/county programs — many municipalities have their own
Google: "[Your state] first-time home buyer programs"
You'll be shocked what's available. This is money sitting on the table that most people don't even know to pick up.
The real question
So here's where I stop and ask you directly:
Are you priced out? Or are you priced out of a fantasy?
The fantasy where you buy a house in the exact city you live in, in the perfect neighborhood, with no compromises, on your current salary, with the down payment magically appearing.
That fantasy might be dead. I'm not going to lie to you.
But homeownership? That's not dead.
It just requires you to do something uncomfortable:
Question your assumptions.
Does it have to be this city?
Does it have to be 20% down?
Does it have to be a single-family home, or could a condo or townhouse get you started?
Have you actually looked at other markets?
Have you actually talked to a lender?
Have you actually checked what you qualify for?
Or have you just absorbed the doom and decided it's impossible?
The Scot Free take
I'm not here to sell you hope. I'm here to show you the map.
Some of you will read this and go explore. You'll check your credit score, google first-time buyer programs, run the numbers on a city you'd never considered. Maybe you'll move. Maybe you'll buy. Maybe you'll realize it's closer than you thought.
Some of you will close this tab and keep doom-scrolling Zillow in a city you can't afford, waiting for a miracle.
Both are choices.
I'm not telling you where to live. I'm not telling you what to do.
I'm telling you the options exist — whether you choose to exercise them or not.
— Scot Free
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